Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Media Machine

Anorexia
Recently I had someone tell me I looked good which was then closely followed by "you almost look anorexic". The gesture wasn't to offend me and was purely made to be taken as a compliment, but it was four weeks ago now, I obviously still haven't forgotten about it.

Since having Miss Laurie, I've become more aware of the shallow things that distract this place. The surface things that dont at all help with depositing your treasures in the bank of heaven.
The things that have loose foundations which in turn rob, kill and destroy us of true potential and amazing opportunities.... if only we could get beyond our insecurities.

I was at church on Sunday, during the worship time, I could have danced.
Key word: "could".
I was held back by my perception of what others might have thought of me and maybe looking like an over-spiritual holy roly.
In the end I realised, why does it matter what they think of me?
It actually doesnt.
I now realise I lost an opportunity.

How big of a role do your insecurities hold in your life? do they affect your faith?
Think of all the things you could have done if only you werent held back by what others views or opinions may be of you.

Someone decided skin and bones is attractive. Someone with status then got behind it, and along followed all the sheep - next thing you know.. BOOM! a mainstream explosion. Looking borderline ano is now totally hot. Travelling the world in an envelope is all of a sudden something to attain to.


We are told through the media machine what is beautiful.
We then believe and eat up every honey dripping word.
Why dont we believe every word of the Bible?
Isn't that what were saying?...
We're letting our insecurities get ahead of what is written about us?
Are we telling God that we believe more in what others say, than what He says? Are we telling the Creator that we believe more in the created? Nevermind He made us.

Botox is intended to help slow the aging process, to fill the wrinkles.
Personally, I love weathered hands.
I love old womens hands, thinking of all the meals they prepared for their families on a wintry evening, all the tears they have wiped back, all the stories that are written on them.
I love old mens hands, the cracks and lines that tell of working the land for provision, the kind acts of service they speak of, the assemblies of ache and the romantic secrets they keep with their significant others in an earlier and more innocent time....
I think the same about a face....
I think its sad we feel we have to hide the stories and the lessons learned.

All in all - I am not aiming to speak against anything here or make anyone think I am targeting a specific audience, cause it really isnt my intention ... I just wish we wouldnt judge ourselves so much and in turn become judges of the world. It wastes our time. It hurts other peoples feelings. It gives the less important stuff more status than it deserves.

At times we think if ONLY God made me *insert applicable word or words here*, things would be so much better. Life would be so much better.

You know better than that, so because you know better, do better.
You are given one body. You are given one life.
Treat them well.
Don't stuff up what God gave you.
Exercise.
Live a clean life.
Laugh and have fun.
Dont associate with toxic people.
Give to others.
Dont be afraid to love something incase it is taken from you.
Seek the truth.
Dont let the media machine decide on your beliefs. Make them yourself.
*You are the only *you in this world. Make sure *you isnt determined by the **me's of this world.
*You are an enchanting, captivating, mesmeric and alluring *you.
Dont become a second grade version of **me.
Oh and next time, dance during worship.

*You - you
**Me - me and anyone other than you

♦ cause things are still beautiful 2nd time around ♦


Friday, October 15, 2010

Dear Miss Laurie - October 2010

Dear Miss Laurie,

You are a day away from being 8 months old.
You have two fully established teeth and three more coming through up top.
(Maybe you could give your Poppa some cause his ones these days cost money to get.)
You're growing and developing so quickly that just in ONE day you did THREE new things!

1. You noticed for the first time my change in voice when I tried to growl you. You stared at me and then broke into this heartbreaking cry. I swear I'm not delighting in your sadness, but Mama is just so proud!

2. You can't work out how to crawl just yet but you pushed your little bum all the way across the bed backwards the other day... that still counts, just like if a Taxi drove backwards they'd owe YOU money.

3. I've retreated from trying to get your first words to be either "Gerard Butler" or "Floccinaucinihilipilification" and settle for something a bit closer to the hand that feeds you like, "Mama" or "Papa". We tried on "Mama" for size the other day, your little eyes were watching my lips SO intently and even mimicked the action with yours - you couldn't quite get that you actually had to make sound to make the noise so got all frustrated and with a big rush of a sigh you came out with "Wha-woll". You little genius.

You're a master of rolling onto your tummy - especially when I'm trying to get that muddy nappy off you. Everytime I go through the motions of trying to get you out of that Huggie prison you get into hysterics like I'm trying to force feed codliver oil to you or something.
Your face goes purple, two little veins throb to the side of your forehead and you burst the odd capillary in the eye. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. I'm exaggerating, but that's different.

You also throw yourself at any given opportunity. You're sitting on my lap watching TV, you spot the remote on the ground and decide you must have it in your possession. So you end up throwing yourself toward it. The trust that you have thinking nothing bad at all is going to come out of that decision is amazing.

I just hope it isn't the beginning of a love of risking death for the thrill of it.
Next you're going to figure out how to run under tables. Then you're going to steal the car and try to set your farts on fire with the cigarette lighter.
But I could be just looking too far into it.


Like I mentioned earlier, your development is happening so rapidly before my eyes... it awakens me to the fact that I'm a breath away of being in my *gulp* mid-twenties. Then I hear that it's apparently all downhill from there.
That suits me fine. Downhill's easier than uphill.
Uphill makes me regret that extra helping of Fettucine.
I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and you probably will have a mouthfull of teeth or you'll be six foot tall. I can picture it already... all six feet of you folded up in your little cot. Adorable.

One day you will realise that babies don't actually come from the bottom of the "Weetbix" box and you will also realise there is a time of becoming an adult and a time of BECOMING AN ADULT. Not just biologically or legally but "growing beyond idiocy and ignorance and making decisions adulthood".

I had an experience recently where I made the decision to cut friendships out of my life.
In my eyes I saw no other resolution to a healthier future for those involved, for us and for you.
It's funny how I've always thought I was an adult. I moved out at 18, I owned my first home and got married at 19, I was a mother at 23, and although I'd experienced all these "coming of age" moments in life, it is the decision to cut out friendships recently that I truely felt like I became an adult.
I think that when you can put someone elses needs above your own (like I feel like I did), I think that you step into another area of adulthood.

I'd never realised life was so complicated.
Adulthood is overrated at times.
As children we can't wait to get there.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days where I'd be begging Mum to let me eat "that bowl of M&Ms" for breakfast.
Days where decisions and mortgages and planning tomorrows dinner were non-existant.

Your reality right now does not depend on complicated things.
It's having fun with Mama and Papa and eating and sleeping.
I learn so much from you. Like taking time to just sit or to explore or to feel the textures of the grass or the wind on my face. You are so uncomplicated and don't depend on accidently offending someone or judging others on what they look like without makeup on or other shallow things like money and possessions.

I'm an adult now but I'm greatful God's given me the opportunity to experience childhood again through you. You're learning so much through watching me but I'm also learning so much through watching you.

Don't be in a hurry to grow up too soon my baby, you've only got 20 years to be a kid and 40 years plus of being an adult.
There's also this annoying thing called a Period....


♦ cause things are still beautiful 2nd time around ♦